You can’t escape it, and be honest a part of you probably doesn’t want to escape you. You may have even come across this because you were planning to dive deeper into it. Ashley Madison is everywhere right now and everyone wants to know the dirty little secret their not in on. Is your better half not any better, is your religious figure head seeking a side of sin, or maybe your local newsman is making their own headlines.

I have news for you, we have all fallen victim to the Ashley Madison hack, yes, all of us! Your kids have also fallen victim to it and even our elders! I don’t mean that everyone has signed up for Ashley Madison and been found lusting for some strange, what I mean is it is affecting all of our lives. It is on every radio and news outlet across the U.S and it is tearing apart good and wholesome families like the Duggars! I’m sorry you can’t see the smart-ass grin on my face when I type that but just imagine that it is there.

First, let us all understand something, depending on which site you use to check your e-mail addresses will depend on if you were “compromised” or not. I would highly suggest you avoid because it is hoping to sell you a service that will hide your leaked information but it will contact every e-mail address you plug in and of the four addresses of mine I could remember using since the Internet came out all four were “compromised.” Let me clarify, I wouldn’t doubt that hormonally driven 13 year old me would have signed up for something like this even though I had no credit card, but I am also certain Ashley Madison did not exist when I was 13.

That being said, when I used the site:

    None of those 4 e-mail addresses were found and there were no e-mails coming to me to report that they had been tested along with no products to buy. Allow me to summarize this point, since people love their privacy so much someone has decided to take advantage of this hack and use it as a business opportunity to scare all of the sheeple into spending money. This is how most of us have been affected by this Hack.

Second, your poor children and elders are now confused as to why the middle generation is running around in fear of some lady named Ashley Madison. The children now equate her to being the Boogie-man’s wife and the elders assume she is running for president on a democratic stance that will turn American into a communist nation. In all seriousness, children are not dumb and they are going to ask you what Ashley Madison is so be ready to lie and just tell them it’s daddy or mommy’s work friend. The elders are going to lecture you all about how in their day they didn’t need a website to cheat; they just waited till the other one went to war. Either way we are all stuck listening to the stupid repeated news coverage of this stupid story.

The best part of all of this though is how many people are so surprised and shocked by it. People are upside down about the idea that 40 million people have signed up for this site and had their information shared. Out of the United States 321,569,738…9…740 shit it will not stop going up and I know one of those people who were just born… ok sorry back on point, of the U.S’s  population that is roughly 8% of the population who signed up for this site. Keep in mind, that doesn’t consider people who are under-age or not online. 8% big deal, the real problem is that people are so afraid to admit who they really are in fear of being judged.

We all have our kinks, our perversions, and our twist of lemon in our tea. People are freaking out because they don’t want to be labeled a cheater or sinner or a kink. We are all so focused on putting on this mask that makes us look clean that we forget that we all have stains on our clothes and if anyone wants to judge you on the fact that you accept how you want to enjoy your life then they are probably guilty of something the same or possibly just as “dirty.” I’m not saying we accept every perversion, I’m not condoning things that guys like Dahmer, Bundy, or Fogle do; there are lines, but what does it matter that someone is trying to extort you for money because you cheated, you knew your marriage was shit, you had all right to seek outside help in any form, and you should own the choice you made. Then again, maybe you’re mad because someone took away your decision to fess up or not.

P.S. the views and ideas expressed in this article are simply comedic satire based off one man’s opinion who could give two shits how you live your life as long as you understand you have no room to judge anyone else you dirty dirty piece of shit.

P.P.S really, we shouldn’t judge each other anyway, all that does it create un-needed hatred.