If there’s one thing I can take away from 2014, it’s that I should strive not to be a “Basic” or, more specifically, a “Basic Bitch.” Apparently they’re everywhere. People are purportedly worried about the spread of Ebola, but #TBH they seem more concerned about whether or not the white girl in line at Starbucks is ordering a pumpkin spice latte. And if said girl happens to be sporting the latest trends outlined by Glamour, which, in contemporary female society is imparted as standard fashion advice, then NOW she should be damned! It’s like the Scarlet Letter, take two.
These terrible women should be branded with giant #BASICBITCH monograms across their Forever 21 spaghetti strap tanks. And then sent to be schooled on how to un-basic themselves. UNBASIC ACADEMY would have a militant headmaster with an equally militant group of teachers, adorned in Communist garb dictating what these women should like, how they should be behave, and how they should be unique. Because Basics like trendy things, which are the mark of an unformed individuality. They enjoy UGG boots, have an enormous respect for Taylor Swift, and make copious pins on Pinterest. They tag, hashtag, post, and repost. They take pictures—SELFIES! We. Just. Can’t. WE CAN’T! Make them stop! “We” cannot bear to see women like these specific things, which Capitalist America has suggested are perfectly normal and fun interests to partake in.
Who is this collective (and creepily oppressive) “WE?” Quite often the biggest proponents of the Anti-Basic are women who at first glance may fit the stereotype themselves. Then there’s the women who even embrace the term and just run with it, writing blog posts about why they’re okay being a basic bitch. The other group of women who are loathe to “conform” are happy to breakdown what it means to be basic. Am I basic? Though I do not fully encompass total #BASIC status, I occasionally enjoy a flavored coffee drink and have a Breakfast at Tiffany’s top or poster:
That’s right, liking Audrey Hepburn is basic bitch territory.
So what’s a modern woman to do? She should do whatever the hell she wants, and if those wants include a #PSL, to be called basic, or not, then more power to her. But I urge people to think about the irony in all this Basic/Basic Bitch madness. Women are being told not to trend, in the vein of a trend…and there’s nothing more “basic” than that.