While shopping for clothing detergent I discovered the small size of Gain detergent costs twice as much and you only need half the amount. I think you never needed the original amount to get your clothes clean. It’s like the toothpaste ads that show a toothbrush being filled from end to end when you only need half that amount for a proper brushing.

Marketers appeal to your senses with design and color of packaging and smell of product. ‘Original’ Gain is described on the website as ‘The same great scent you fell in love with’. Never mind that they ended a sentence with a preposition, they assume you fell in love with your laundry detergent. Does that mean your love life may consist of sensing love through your nose? Dogs do that.

Never fear because there’s ‘Island Fresh’ described as ‘your passport to the tropics’, and I’m not making the next part up, ‘without the huge lines, lost luggage and turbulence. Why travel when you’ve got the freshness of palm trees and sunshine all bottled up?’

The only thing that’s bottled up is America’s credit which isn’t allowing us to make the real trip. If you’ve got the depth of imagination that allows you to take a quick vacation while color sorting the laundry in a small room with no windows and possibly a small child or two nipping at your heels, then you’ve got the ability to start your own ad agency and name some of these products.

Let’s not forget Gain’s ‘Fresh Awakenings’. The ad people went over the top with this appellation. Fresh Awakenings is a brilliant name for a detergent and I figure if my clothes are asleep and I want to revive them, that’s what I would use. The description goes on ‘beckoning you from the closet, drawers, hamper or sheets’. If that’s where you hang out, you need more than a scent to open your eyes; you may need some psychological help too.

Doing the laundry with gain is like tripping through the groves with names like Mandarin Lime Fusion, Apple Mango tango and Honey Suckle Guava Groove. I guess they’re not appealing to people with an allergic reaction to fruit. You don’t need to buy Gain to get a ‘fresh awakening’ all we need to do is smell the coffee