The familiar voice was confident, even cocky; the cadence clearly sounded like Trump. The man on the phone vigorously defending Donald Trump purported to be a media spokesman named John Miller, but then says, “I’m sort of new here,” and “I’m somebody that he knows and I think somebody that he trusts and likes” and even “I’m going to do this a little, part time, and then, yeah, go on with my life.”

This was Trump, speaking on his own behalf from the 1970’s through the early 90’s pretending to be his own spokesperson/publicist. With the story now out in the open, we peek into trump’s diary.

Dear diary, “I have so many people to choose from who want to be the Veep, how can I get a person who will blindly follow me into the gates of hell? How can I keep control?”

Dear diary, “After those damn reporters confronted me about my alter ego John Miller, I immediately pivoted and spun the story to fit my current ‘trustworthy’ persona. Will it work? Oh God I hope so.”

Dear diary, “I had an idea today that just about blew the hair right off my head. Except for one little ‘blip’ the John Miller/John Baron persona really worked out well for me. Who else knows the ‘real me’? Instead of choosing a Vice president, I’ll just appoint myself Vice President! Brilliant! Then I can be my own council. Let the Congress work things out for themselves, haven’t they screwed things up enough?”

Dear diary, “The more I think about it, the more ideas I get. Who the hell needs a Cabinet? I’ll rely on my own best practices. It’s worked for me so far, of course the family will have to step in once in a while. I’ll create a ‘Secretary of Fashion’ position for Melania.”

Dear diary, “On second thought, I need some diversity in the cabinet. My Secretary of Energy should be Sarah Palin. They still remember ‘drill baby drill’. There’s my woman. Education, I’ll go with Paul Rodriguez the comedian. I met him once and he seemed to be a nice guy. He’s my Hispanic.”

Dear diary, “A brilliant idea came to me last night. Larry David does a devastating Bernie Sanders. Wouldn’t it be a real hoot to have him around during a crisis? He could be Secretary of Humor. You gotta laugh, right?

Dear diary, “There’s no question as to the Press Secretary. Guess who?”