As if Burmese pythons, coastal flooding and Toxic Algae Bloom aren’t enough….

Over 2 hundred million gallons of radioactive water has flowed into the Florida aquifer.

The leak has reached down to the Floridan aquifer, a principal artesian aquifer. Aquifers are vast, underground systems of porous rocks that hold water and allow that water to move through the holes within the rock throughout the State.

‘The Florida Department of Keeping Citizens Safe’ issued a press release saying “We used to have water with a shelf life, now it’s got a half-life too.”

A representative of the perpetrator, phosphate supplier Mosaic, said there’s no danger from the “slightly radioactive” sinkhole water. “You’ll only get ‘slightly sick’” He laughed, “Don’t worry, that healthy glow could be from the sun.”

Many Southwest Florida residents get nervous when “radioactive” and “drinking water” is used in the same sentence, just as Governor Scott does when the words ‘climate change’ are used in the same sentence as……..well, any sentence.

The Department of Environmental Protection has issued a statement “It’s OK, soon something else will come along, we’ll probably lose track in a couple of days and you’ll be trying to keep abreast of what the Kardashians are doing so…..”