Summer travel season is on us quicker than a skeeter at sunset.
What’s the only ‘downer’ when you go on vacation? Is it packing to go or paying the bills after you’re home? Is it finding out that your pet was on Ebay and ordered dog toys from Neiman Barkus?
If you answered ‘flying there’ you are among the many air travelers who fly coach, or as the airlines call you, ‘The untouchables’. You’re cooped up in a small space with strangers, no food and you don’t really know when you’ll get out, sort of like being kidnapped, except you pay.
Service? You’re asked to re-fold those threadbare blankets you share with the other prisoners and wonder if they were ever cleaned. You pay to be ferried about like a piece of chattel not sure you or your luggage will get to your destination on time or at all. When Orville Wright took a passenger to Philadelphia and their luggage to Omaha, he set the standard. Air travel is mile for mile, a much safer way to travel than by car; but a car is already on the ground.
There was a time when men flew, they wore jackets and ties. It was as if everyone flew first class. Now people can fly wearing the same amount of material as a tie. We don’t have to remove our ties because there was never a ‘tie bomber’. We remove our shoes because someone had something dangerous in their shoe. I’m glad he didn’t hide it in his underwear.
If you’ve got the miles you can count yourself among those who get a seat big enough to fidget in and guess what; real food. What they offer in coach never even qualified for the food pyramid.
With enough miles, you’re first on first off. The announcement goes like this: “We’ll pre-board our first class passengers, so will our gold, platinum, executive platinum, extreme executive elite platinum, uranium, and all other privileged classes please, when you’re ready, board your aircraft. The rest of you, form a scrum behind that line and when I say go, make a mad dash for whatever seats are left and don’t even think about using the first class toilet, just hold it in till Pittsburgh.”
Once on board you’re fully screened, scanned, scoped and do not have to fear for your safety. You can fear for your safety on the ground right here in Florida.
For that fun summertime family treat, next time you can afford to enter Disneyworld be assured you’re fairly safe in the magic kingdom. Disney, at first, refused to abide by the laws of the State of Florida which said you may carry a gun to work in your locked vehicle. They maintained that they were not under the jurisdiction of those laws. Now, they say, they’ll allow employees to pack heat, but only if they’ve satisfied all requirements of their parole. So remember, no short jokes when you have breakfast with the seven dwarfs and Grumpy has no sense of humor. If your child goes up to Goofy, kicks him in what look like shins, and he excuses himself for a moment to go out to his car, quickly head for the monorail and hope you can get a seat.