People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids (PETA) filed a lawsuit against a woman stung by a scorpion on an Alaska Airlines flight.

In their brief, lawyers for the scorpion said “She (our client) was merely trying to get some ‘elbow room’ in an already cramped seat. This woman almost crushed it when she tried to sit down and then claimed to ‘stand her ground’ in a vicious attack against the helpless creature. In its defense, the scorpion was merely trying to hold up its stinger trying to defend itself. It felt put upon and alienated because the woman didn’t recognize it’s right to exist.”

The woman, through her lawyer, said “I’m sorry, scorpions don’t have feelings. What are they trying to do ‘humanize’ the insect to get sympathy?”

The flight, which originated in Mexico, had Mexican authorities claiming that they would not allow scorpions to cross the border, much less board a plane without the proper credentials.

“I was shocked” said another passenger, because the scorpion looked like it was holding a ticket for a seat. Maybe it was agitated and stung the lady because it couldn’t get the window.”

The flight crew immediately checked the manifest to see if any other ‘illegals’ were aboard. During a press conference, a spokesperson for the airline said, “In the crush to get first in line to board, the gate attendant didn’t notice the arachnid sandwiched between a family with a small baby and an elderly couple with too much carry-on. The resultant confusion allowed the scorpion to amble down the jet-way ticket in claw without being noticed.”

The FAA, ‘stung’ by criticism from immigration groups, ventured a sarcastic reply when it said, “Maybe it didn’t want to cross the border by foot and take its chances clinging for life to some backpack.”

Where's Samuel Jackson when you need him?

Where’s Samuel Jackson when you need him?