Why do we spend more time agonizing over buying a house than we do preparing to get married?
As a divorce lawyer in Texas, I often ask the same question when first meeting a new client: ”What was the straw that broke the camel’s back?”
The answers cause me to wonder … could we have prevented this catastrophe?
Now, I don’t want to put myself out of business, but I think that if couples thought a little bit more about the checklist of their ideal mate prior to taking the plunge, incompatibility may just jump out and scream from the tippy tops from the churches and town halls where these couples are married.
Among the shocking top 10 list of reasons clients report wanting to drop the “D” bomb include:
- The sex is not good anymore. We are glorified roommates.
- My partner is bad with money. We are swimming in debt.
- We argue too much- about everything. Marriage counseling to many is a bad joke.
- He/she travels too much. The commuter relationship. Easier to cheat, easier to leave.
- He wants kids, but I don’t. Deal breaker. The desire to procreate is primordial.
- I don’t feel important anymore. Did you ever? Backseat to golf and boys night? Boo.
- We’ve grown apart. Marriage is work. You have to fight to stay together.
- My partner is crazy- Diagnosable, get meds/therapy, but not every condition is treatable.
- My wife won’t stop popping pills or alcohol. If you’re on rehab round 3, run for the hills.
- We got married because we were pregnant, and big surprise, after kid 4, we still feel trapped.
Being the closet romantic, Catholic, married-for-life divorce lawyer, I genuinely want marriages to succeed. However, I cannot fix years of resentment, lack of working on the relationship, outright neglect of this living, breathing thing we call marriage.
So, I call out to you engaged couples, divorced singles looking for a new mate: consider your core goals before you buy the dress, arrange the honeymoon and mentally drift off into the sunset.
The Law Office of Natalie Gregg