In an effort to wrest control of the debate process back to the RNC from the candidates themselves, GOP national committee head Reince Priebus would like a new debate format so that “We can give American voters the structure they understand. When Senator Cruz likened it to a ‘cage match’ a light went on in our belfry. Imagine the thrill for their fans when each candidate enters the ring as the character Senator Cruz described.”
Priebus said “It’s not just about talking points or even so called facts like the age of the planet” he said, “It’s about head to head competition in a fast paced format that pits man against man, or even woman. The first match will feature Donald Trump who will come out dressed as a real ‘comic book villain’ against Ben Carson as ‘Math Man’ who will sling numbers so quickly it will make your head spin, and if it does, he can fix it.”
The ‘undercard’ will feature John Kasich as ‘The Insulter’ who will offend two people over here, a few people over there and each of the moderators in turn. He will go against Marco Rubio as the ‘Resigner! The moment he enters the ring he will resign from the contest and stand outside the arena telling everyone over and over ad infinitum how his parents made their living while ducking questions about his personal finances.
Jeb Bush will challenge the winner of the Trump/Carson match and explain timidly why his numbers have fallen, all the while dodging Carson’s math equations about a ten or even fifteen percent flat tax formula.
For the question ‘which of you is more handsome and why?’ Carly Fiorina will attempt to ‘out pretty’ Trump in 2 out of 3 falls with their handicap of having their hair done at the same time.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will do color commentary and quip “Even in New Jersey, what you’re doing is called rude” whenever anyone lands a good riposte.
“It should be a great political cage match and we’ll make a ton of money to boot!”