Dear Western civilization,

Hello and yahsu!!

Greece here, and I thought it was time to write and bring you up to speed. we are so much more than souvlaki, feta cheese and the birthplace of democracy. Instead of being adored as the CRADLE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION, we’re being ‘dissed’ around the world and especially Germany because we had the guts to live off of our credit cards like the rest of you. In fact, we’ve accumulated more ‘bonus miles’ than Icarus when he tried to fly around the sun. (btw, the lines at most ATM’s are now shorter than Titan’s toga)

OK, we know we’ve ‘overspent’ these last few years, but hey, who hasn’t? Every single home in America has more flat screens than the entire village of Faraklata on the island of Kefalonia. After having ‘cradled’ you, we certainly don’t want to upset Europe’s apple cart and start all over. Our economy is sound. We love the pretty pictures on the Euro, but oh, those Drachmas were historic.

Having said that let me mention up front, that you are always welcome to spend some holiday money with us. You’ll be overwhelmed by what’s left of the Parthenon. Have a good time! What’s more fun than trying to wipe up tzatziki sauce from a Gyro dripping all over your commemorative Corinthian column T-shirt? If you’re successful, we award you an olive wreath.

The last time this ‘economy thing’ happened, some German politicians told us to sell off several historic buildings and some of the uninhabited 6,000 islands scattered in the Aegean and Ionian seas to generate some cash. I think they got that idea when they sold off part of the Berlin wall back in the 90’s. Where did that money go, schnitzel and noodles?

They said the German people are more industrious because they ‘get up early and work all day’. Well try living in a sunny dry climate like Corfu with balmy breezes all day long. See how long you’ll want to be cooped up and miss all those topless Greek beauties just swaying, swimming and balancing olives in their navel and….where was I?

Oh yes, the economy. We’ve made a little progress. In an effort to get a quick cash ‘bail out’ we contacted the friend of a friend. The vig was only 4 points a week and we promised some civil service positions or a casino license on Mikonos, whichever comes first. As long as no one beats the house, we’re stable once again!

We will labor like Hercules to make it right, but only until we reach the retirement age of 42. It’s not easy living on moussaka and lamb balls.





And don't forget to bring plenty of money!

And don’t forget to bring plenty of money!