Jobs are a part of life. I get that. But I can’t lie and say that transitioning from the carefree life of a college student to a full-time working “adult” was easy. College was a lot like kindergarten for me in the sense that I almost always had nap time during the day, had random snack breaks with my best friends, and got drunk on the weekends at bars……. what, you didn’t drink in kindergarten? Weird.
While I actually enjoy some of the perks of working a real job (#cashmoney), there are still a few recommendations/questions I’d like to talk to employers about. You know, if they’re open to it….
1. First thing I’d like to know is if there is a career that involves laying in bed, eating Chipotle, watching 30 Rock, and reading blogs. If so, can someone please direct me to the HR person that handles those applications?
2. Much like sick days, is it possible to have a few “hangover days” built into our schedules? I’m only talking like one or two….. or seven.
3. I know everyone needs to do stuff during the day…. but I don’t think an hourly cupcake break would be too distracting. Just consider it.
4. Is everyone really attached to this whole 9-5 thing? Something like 11-3 would really work better for me.
7. How many times can I answer the phone saying “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color” before I get fired?
6. Can we all make a joint decision to get rid of all morning people? Not only do they make my “unable-to-function-before-noon” self feel inadequate, but they’re just straight up annoying.
7. Instead of email can we just all snapchat each other when we need something?
8. Are inter-office drinking games a no-no? Because taking a shot every time the token pregnant lady goes to the bathroom could make staring at spreadsheets all day a lot more interesting for all of us.
9. Margarita Mondays. Taco Tuesdays. Karaoke Wednesdays. Thirsty Thursdays. Fannypack Fridays.
Can these all be weekly workplace traditions?
Who decided that business professional and business casual BOTH prohibit yoga pants, stained college hoodies, and snuggies? And can we please amend this?